My Sinful Indulgence

MOVED

2007-06-09T20:44:00.000+08:00

in case you didn't know,

I've moved. =))

2007-05-03T21:54:00.000+08:00

why won't the tests ever stop?
why wouldn't Mrs Wong stop giving us more and more work when she knows we have tests and tests and tests.
I'm so sick and tired of school,
I'm starting to turn off completely.

i failed chem lecture test.
and I didn't just fail.
I failed very badly.

chinese compo.
500 word essay.
tell me how am I going to survive the night?
I doubt i'll be able to reach the word limit.

2007-05-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

I feel so disappointed.
firstly, my father claims that I studied all day a bullshit,
and he wasn't happy from his tone of voice.
secondly, work's compiling up like mad.
and I was doing my work the whole day even though it was a public holiday!

maybe I am,
a bullshit.

INSECURITIES.
i thought it would never hit me.
but even the happiest woman on earth would definitely have.
I was talking to huns a few days ago on msn,
and the question he asked struck me,
"Am I happy?"
I replied,"yes"
but I know I've asked myself that question many times.
until now, I,myself, really can't come up with the answer.
Yes,at times.
but there are times.NOT.

I was studying out today at the airport,
and I saw many couples holding hands,
being lovey dovey and all.
and it kinda reminded me of tim's question.
and I wonder are they truely happy or was it just that moment?

boxun called today.
somehow I know it's just a trivial matter,
and on normal circumstances like this,
i would just dismiss the whole entire incident.
but I felt really insecure to whatever he said,
and until now,it still lingers.
it constantly pricks me every minute,every second.

maybe I've to resign to fate that I've such eccentric mood,
where it changes just like the wind.
or am I just being oversensitive.

When you truely love that someone,
you want to keep him by your side forever,
but yet you feel that you're just not important to him.
You feel that you belong to his life for only once a week, and the cycle continues..

I just feel extremely sad.

2007-04-30T17:40:00.000+08:00

School today hasn't been all that great,
although it's Labour Day tomorrow.
I am constantly irritated by someone in class,
and I'm growing immune to it.
Is that supposed to be a good thing?
maybe eh.

Holidays.holidays.
it seems that I can never have enough.
There's always a point where you still continuously want more.
Tried so hard to feel satisfied and contented with whatever I have now,
which in fact I am,
but there's always things that are too hard to seek.

I need to lose more weight.

2007-04-28T14:48:00.000+08:00

this shall be my first post: no ranting about how much shopping brings me joy.=)
because i know it's not gonna bring me high at least for the next few months.
i'm such a sad case,seriously.

"but what to do?"
haha. i miss ya desmond tay!
and OF COURSE STEVEN AND ADE.
When we thought that you guys were a nuisance..
caiying is so much worst.

horrible bitch.
I really can't stand her,
but I 'll just spare you the details.=)

I don't want her to be a topic of the entry.
In hindsight, I think i was stupid to even waste my time on her.
never mind.
bimbos like her don't deserve my attention.
boo i'm sorry. =(

"angeline jolie?"
tsk.tsk.tsk.
you still have a long way to go...
stop acting smart when you're not.

2007-04-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

I'm living such an unhealthy lifestyle that,
I no longer understand what joy really means.

when you're trying so hard already to pass your tests,
yet you have to beat all those among to be in your school's squash team,
at the end of the day,
you are so totally washed out,
you don't wanna talk about anything,
because school's always on your mind.
"What am I going to do tomorrow?" blah blah blah.

I think 80% of what I think everyday is about school.
school.school.school.
i'm starting to think of school as a drag.
I dread school.
especially those evil tests that drive you nuts,
and soon to be over the edge.

My weekends are fully booked,
sorry huns.
too many things to be done, yet not much things gets accomplished at the end. =(
Please do believe that I'm a social outcast.
I'm a nerd who thinks of work 24/7.
Even in dreams,
they haunt me.=(

i feel that I'm so far faraway from the outside world,
I'm starting to hallucinate.
me and bullshit.
okay whatever.

i'm going to turn in for the day now,
bed's all I want and desire at the end of the day.
I look forward to sleeping.
oh my, I'm such a pig, really.

and I had macdonalds for dinner.
tell me about it.
It's so sinful,
mac nuggets meal with mayo.
and large fries.
I was hungry! You can't blame me for calling macdonalds!
6777377
die,i even remembered the number.

anyway, after that,
I came home and ate some more.
Time check: 11:10pm
Suppers are sinful.
I'm never going to eat suppers again.
hopefully.

2007-04-24T19:44:00.000+08:00

I decided to blog now,
with this spare time before I really tune in to doing some revision.
This is so miraculous, I mean no homework at all to pass up tomorrow =)

and this is going to be a ranting entry.
so do bear with me.
Because right now, I feel immensely lousy,
and CHOKED to the fking brim with all the crap that I have purposefully planned and packed my time with.
and I'm finding myself coming home at 8pm every day,
worse,at 10 plus on an awesome friday night.
And that leaves me with about 2 hours of "free time" to do my work,
which I end up really edgy at the end of the day.
tell me how interesting my life is.
tell me about it.

Needless to say, my weekends are not spared.
the time spent on doing assignments,tutorials and plus revisions for upcoming tests seemed to be of a higher calling
compared to my daily dose of shopping during the holidays.
and that accompanies with mental exhaustion and bad temper.

dear god,
I know I've been a heartless bitch today,
especially today.
I know I've been mean but she deserves it.
If I'm a bitch, what is she?
A slut?
Who on earth pushes her friend away when she herself has no seat?!!
What's up with her?
Is she really dumb or acting ignorant?
I didn't mean to speak and think evil thoughts on how to make her life miserable.
but she's pushing it to the limit!
The sight of her irritating f*ckface,makes me irritated.
I know I've been very vulgar when it comes to this.
I'll try not to speak of them anymore,
but pms adding to it,
raging hormones,
I can't really control my emotions.

amen.

"People WILL always talk about you,
so you might as well give them something to talk about."
i don't give a shit whatever you say about me.=)

stop flirting bitch,
stop giving the pathetic face that you want people to pity you.
it's not going to work.
You're the wrong technique to flirt.
boo~

2007-04-22T21:48:00.000+08:00

superficiality really kills.
What's up with those skinny asses out there?!
I seriously think they should take MISS SINGAPORE UNIVERSE OUT.
at least, during the prime time slots.
IT'S BAD FOR THE EYES,
AND IT POSES A SERIOUS THREAT TO PEOPLE LIKE ME.

i think if I ever had a chance to advertise OR flaunt my "ASSETS",
i think it'll only be the DOVE commercial.
helps booast women's self confidence.
I seriously need that.

that buldging tummy of mine ain't flattering at all.
and the incessant rumbling of my tummy just won't stop.

fcuk.school's starting tmr again.

2007-04-21T17:38:00.000+08:00

I feel so busy.
but I'm trying to slow down to catch up with life.

I hate a busy lifestyle,
I hate the lifestlye that perpetually requires me to meet new people and to adapt to new things,
especially new things and people that drains you completely at the end of a day.
it makes me sad that everyone's seemed to be enjoying themselves,
while i stay home and sulk to myself.
i'm an idiot sometimes really.

but i feel good that my time is precious to some people.
I rather spend that precious time with precious people in my life.
and that certainly beats studying all day at home.
It makes feel like a big fat rat, just sitting at my seat the whole day,
and stuffing myself with food to satisfy that craving.
(pigs sound too cliche already.)
Oh dear, this is such bad thinking.

i can't stand the whiny depression cycle repeating itself again.

2007-04-17T19:07:00.000+08:00

my click in school =))
lousy hp cam,really.

2007-04-15T20:02:00.000+08:00

PICTURE POST! =)

When all you wish and hope is to just go out and have some fun.
but school's not allowing it.
I'm so fucking deprived.

2007-04-14T12:34:00.000+08:00

when we find ourselves drifting apart,
too busy with our lives,
and yet we're not doing anything.

i feel angry at myself.
i feel that I'm not that important to you anymore.
i feel all so negative about myself,
and all I want is to just talk to you after such a long day.
yet, I guess we don't even have the time.

when you ask your friend to call me,
instead of you yourself,
it makes me feel angrier at myself.

when all these small minor things add up,
it sure becomes a big thing in no time.
When all I want is that attention,
and you don't seemed to be able to give it to me.

sometimes when work and personal emotions clashes,
you just feel like crying.

what's the fucking problem is wrong with me?!

when eating becomes an obsession to relieve stress.
you feel your self esteem and confidence going way way way down.
i hate this fucking period of my life.

sometimes, I feel that i'm just an excess baggage you're carrying.

a fucking annoying and irritating one.

2007-04-13T20:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I just feel that everything and anything is pointless.
Just so tired of putting up a brave front,
make the most to socialise and show who you really are and impress.
I don't feel myself and act myself in school,
i'm not the crazy bitch going around being entertained by dirty jokes in class anymore.

i can't speak in my own will.
i feel restricted although it's good that I don't speak vulgarities anymore.
it seems such a chore to have to adopt a facade,
for the mere sake of gaining friends.
Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm doing.

sighs, why does life always toy with us so.

2007-04-12T21:25:00.000+08:00

this is how smart she looks.
no matter how hard you try, you'll never bring me down.

2007-04-12T18:51:00.000+08:00

Mother Teresa onced said,
"share your food with the poor..."

pass over the fries,sucker =)

2007-04-11T22:34:00.000+08:00

School's starting to go really crazy and fast.
I've a maths test tomorrow and I'm still rotting my ass off blogging.
My brain needs a break and I'm really burned out.
My eyes are still superduper red,
and with my sore throat and cough haunting me day and night,
the flu and running nose are coming along the way.

I spent 15 minutes in the toilet at 12am last morning,
trying to finish sneezing,
and by the time I really went to sleep was at about 12.30am.

maid woke me up at 5.30am.
somehow I managed to wake up at 6am.
almost late for school and
I remembered to take my chem practical book and all the other important stuffs to pass up,
BUT.
I FORGOT TO BRING MY PHONE.

Can you imagine how miserable my life with, without my phone?
I can't check the time in the morning, and deciding whether should I run to school or not.
I couldn't reply precious' message and answer the call.sorry.
Mummy couldn't contact me.
Had to borrow friend's phone for a couple of times.

argh.nevermind the whining,I shall continue doing work.
till then.

2007-04-09T17:37:00.000+08:00

welcome the bloodshot eyes again.
I think there's really something wrong with me,
I can't sleep well at night even though I'm really tired.
and I always have the fear that someone's gonna stab me and die.

I cringe everytime I see scissors especially.
and I've been waking up in the middle of the night,
from a dream,I think, that some crazy person just stabbed me.

Am I just being too paranoid or am I really crazy?
i think a mixture of both.
it's been on for quite some time already.
and my eye bags aint going away.

and I'm gaining weight.
I eat when I'm hungry and I feel like eating when I'm not hungry.

and my throat still hurts alot,
I feel super duper exhausted.

2007-04-08T21:31:00.000+08:00

I should quit whining,seriously.
It's me whom I should be blaming,not me whining to everybody.
I ate a chocolate eclaire today,mummy bought me.
And it's the small ones you see in chalet buffets.
The one I ate hours ago, was at least 5 times the one I eat in chalet buffets.

And the cream inside..
needless to say,was super duper fattening and disgusting.
Out of temptation and greed, I finished everything in less than 5 minutes.

fast foward 30 minutes.

After talking to precious on the phone,
I saw my aunty eating prawn mee,and temptation kinda struck me again.
And yes,the rest was mine.

AND I'M STILL SITTING HERE THINKING OF THE CHOCOLATE ECLAIR.
DAMNIT.

I'M NEVER GOING TO EAT SO MUCH AGAIN.

I FEEL LIKE A FAT FAT FAT PIG.

Thank God there's PE tomorrow,
I need to lose weight.really really.

and I hope by then, my sore throat's gone.

I know my life seriously stink,
it's packed with too much bullshit and schoolwork.

too much bullshit to the extent of thinking of getting slimming pills.
my mum has them =S
Supplement+ slimming = EMO
EMO NOT AS IN EMOTIONAL LAH!
I've passed that a long time ago.
It's a name lah!

2007-04-07T21:21:00.000+08:00

you know its such a chore having to repeat everything I've to say.
It seriously tiring to open my mouth and tell the whole entire story.
I know,as you can see,I'm a very lazy person.
Anyway, everybody thinks I should go for some eye-bag removal facial,
or whatever.
Do I seriously look that bad?

Okay,maybe I really do.
Throat's killing me again.
Must be jie jie who passed the infectious cough to me.
its so bloody irritating.

I can't stand to see my weekends passing me by just like that.
It's seems like it was yesterday friday was over.
okay yes it was.but its like SUNDAY TOMORROW ALREADY.
and then MONDAY is here again.

Can we just stop the time and let it be saturday for some time.
Or can everyday be a good friday?
I'm sorry I always love imagining things.

do work.do work.do work tonight.

2007-04-06T21:17:00.000+08:00

I'm trying so terribly hard to make the best out of my non-school days,
enjoying and studying at the same time.
sounds very contradicting but this is how the way it is.
Today,a friend told me "Change your mindset,take studying as an enjoying activity in your daily life."
Sure.
so I was thinking for almost the whole entire day, studying=FUN?
It doesn't sound right and logical to me,but I'll just heed his advice.
STUDYING=FUN.

seriously,I'm such a bullshit.
STUDYING,TO ME,CAN NEVER BE CONSIDERED AS FUN.
but still,I'm trying to instill that bullshit in my head.

I'm sorry I haven't been updating regularly,
too much work to do,
and by the time I reach home from school,
I will be too drained to do anything but to eat and sleep.

By the way,Praise God,that my grandmother's operation was a success.
I've been praying and my aunties and cousins too,ever since she was told that she had to undergo operation.
It's just that she lost too much blood,and that she had to undergo blood transfusion.
the saddest thing is that she needed at least 3 of those blood bags or whatever its called.
But,I'm glad she's okay and fine now.

and it's just so sad as well that one non-school day has yet passed,
and I left with the weekends to study and enjoy at the same time-.-
I dread going to school sometimes.
I miss shopping terribly,
I want shoes and icecream.
I want gelare =(

I'm seriously gaining weight,and this time I'm dead serious.
my tummy had gotten to a size so big that I can no longer see my toes.
okay,sorry lah,I'm overly exaggerating.
It's just too disgusting that it makes me want to exercise more.
I can't stand my classmates!
they are so freaking skinny,
and all they eat for lunch is POCKY STRAWBERRY,OFCOURSE.
and HELLO PANDA.
It sucks because I'm eating them too,plus the main dish I eat everyday.

and apart from growing fatter,
I'm getting uglier.
seriously,this time no exaggeration lah.
I have breakouts and the darn pimple at the same spot has been there for a week!
I've been deprived of sleep.deprived from a lot of sleep.
I should post a recent picture of myself and allow people to find my pimple and look at the terrible state of me,
with the dark obvious ugly eye bags that has been haunting me since O levels ended.
AND with school work compiling,
the eye bags are even more obvious.
When usually I couldn't really see my eye bags,
now I see them nice and clear on my face.

I wanna watch ninja turtles.
boo hoo.Everybody watched already,all except me.
anybody,maybe on a saturday night if possible?
damn sad lah.=(

2007-04-04T18:10:00.000+08:00

tell me about it.
I'm actually feeling happy that I'm at home right now.
I feel so blessed. =)

oh whatever.
anyway, I had squash trial today.
please please please. I really need a cca,
and I don't wanna join ccc or choir or guzheng or whatever.
I don't wanna end up cca-less.
But apparently I've got a R for squash trial,
I've no idea what it represents or mean,
but I just hope for the best.

Had bio test today,
and the best thing is that I didn't study.
how stupid.
anyway, I've GP test tomorrow as well.
die.die.die.
but Finally, I've submitted my first draft for PI,
and I feel so relieved.

I can't stand it,
the people in my class are so darn smart.
It seems like I'm the only stupid one in there.
as much as it hurts,
it's super demoralising too.

God, can you make me smarter?
I feel stupid everyday going to school,facing all these smart ass kids.

I know it sounds spastic,
yes it is spastic.
I'm trying very hard to console myself already lah.
damn sad, the chem teacher scolded me yesterday just because I got inconsistant results. =(

2007-04-02T19:25:00.000+08:00

hello.
okay,i'm so not going to rant today.
because it's a monday.
and as you know,mondays.
I dread mondays.

anyway,
dee called me last night,
and screamed.
SHE JUST CALLED TO SCREAM,
that's her excuse.
and she blames me for being psycho?!

i think it's the otherway round.
and she tells me all these random stuffs,
about her boy.
it's like out of no where PLEASE?
and then the next moment,she starts screaming?

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
slap aloy.
ask him to sleep on the streets lah!

2007-04-01T19:11:00.000+08:00

You know how bad your attitude sucks,
especially when you yourself feels the same way too.
it's true that everything has to go my way nowadays,
that I no longer can stand stupid bimbotic bitches.
and ironically,
I've been crying like a bitch.

say hello to insecurities.=)

i hate myself sometimes really.
for being such a bitch,for all these sensitive remarks which I didn't mean to hurt.

if i could,
lock me in my own world,
and no one would realise what a cold heartless bitch i am.

2007-04-01T00:25:00.000+08:00

I'm being very tactless with my words.
and being oh so sensitive about certain issues.
I'm not a sexist again,
I just don't have such good impression on boys nowadays.
They're just being jerks,
and are just plain annoying.

argh.
one of those sickening cynical remarks.
hw's are driving me crazy.

2007-03-29T17:48:00.000+08:00

met up with shawna yesterday,shopping at amk hub.
big but nothing really much to shop.
damn sad lah.
anyway, I satisfied my craving of strawberry milk tea,
although it's not as good as the katong shopping centre one.
but it's still bloody expensive,like $1.80.
Stupid shop.cheat my money.
oh well never mind.

We managed to psycho most of my classmates that caiying's an irritating bitch.
bimbotic act cute one.
I'm sure we will see, in due time, she'll be left alone.
I know we're super evil,
but she still thinks she's damn fking big.
She talks like one with a broken wrist.
really.

and she thinks she's pretty.
ohmygosh.please look in the mirror.
that fringe of yours and that childist voice of yours just diss people off especially sharon.
seriously.

PI.PI.PI.
WHAT THE HELL LAH.

2007-03-27T17:57:00.000+08:00

end this agony.
I want weekends everyday.
I miss shopping for shoes.
nice pointed shoes,covered shoes, oh all kinds of shoes.

tutorials.tutorials.tutorials.
don't even know how to do binomial.
forgot everything about binomial.
screw binomial.

Anyway, so both kenneth teo and kenneth leong know newman.
noisy people,no wonder.
birds of a kind flock together.
tsk.tsk.tsk.

I need to lose more weight.
pocky everyday will just make me grow fatter.

no more pocky for the rest of the week =(

2007-03-26T18:09:00.000+08:00

okay okay, I know I've been really cynical lately,
not so much of boys this time.
I'm not a sexist okay!
I like the boys in my class =)
at least not as trashy as jie howe.
Anyway, as I was saying,
cynical over cai ying and her innocent bullshit.

I think she can really participate in a bimbotic contest,
and I won't be surprised if she claims the first prize.
Sometimes,ignorance is bliss issn't it?
Everyone in class is OBVIOUSLY mocking at her,
and she just puts it off by thinking that she's cool and gaining attention is her thing.

Especially Sharon,
the " I DON'T LIKE YOU" vibe is very obvious.
Oh well, guess I'm not the only one having trouble with her.

Oh.srjc's uniform's ugly.
i don't like it.
they changed the colour and all,
and I just don't really like it.
I altered my skirts anyway,
it's way too long.
and the " DO YOU WANT ME TO BE A SOCIAL OUTCAST,MUMMY?"
worked brillantly on my mummy.

She decided to get me another 6 months supply of contacts,
and shoes.
I know it may not sound like a big deal.
But I managed to persuade her that my lenses are very essential in my daily school life.
and the reasons that was listed went on and on, until she said yes.
Issn't my mummy such a wonderful lady?
If my dad was at least half of my mummy,
and give me more space and privacy.
I'm sure I'll love him more.

I know,this is bias.
oh well,I still do love my parents.

AND MENSES ARE THE LAST THING YOU LOOK FORWARD IN A MONTH.
YOU FEEL LIKE A SICK AND WEAK KID.
I HAVE A FLEETING TEMPTATION TO USE A TAMPON.
BUT IM SCARED.
DANG.NEVERMIND.

"COWARDS LIKE YOU USUALLY DON'T MAKE IT OUT IN LIFE"----> SHUT UP TIMOTHY.
Why don't you try stuffing a tampon up your asss?!

2007-03-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

It took me quite a long time to realise that the world's changing so drastically,
and so are the people around me.
If only we could return to kindergarden kids,
and even holding hands with the opposite sex, to us at that time,
was deemed as immoral.
and when at that time, INNOCENCE do exist.

now,every when all things looked good,
it only comes down to one thing : SUPERFICIAL.

I guess we belong to a cruel society,
and that we soon lose trust in people we used to trust.

2007-03-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

SO ASSHOLE, DON'T YOU EVER PUT ME ON LOUDSPEAKER.
I'VE WARNED YOU.

hormones raging.
i'm sorry.

count yourself lucky I didn't scream at you,
I was just being nice
right huns?=)

2007-03-23T20:46:00.000+08:00

I haven't been feeling all that great throughout my whole week,
and school ending almost at 6pm everyday.

AND TIMOTHY GOH'S SUCH AN ASS.
sorry,i know it's such a random statement.

anyway, my class's pretty much okay,
except the fact that I've to face A POSER-HYPOCRITE every single day.
I have no choice but to smile at her with my most friendliest smile.
I've never seen such a loser before.
She says bad things about me in front of me,
and I was just sitting opposite her.
oh whatever.

am I giving you the wrong signals?
Are we hanging out too often that people's been talking about us?
Everybody's asking me the same question.
Although we're very close, that doesn't mean we are like the couple in school whom always sit under the tree during breaks.

It's like the hottest topic between S08 AND S09.
and even ongjunxiang and yuan wei thinks so too.

we're just merely friends, nothing more.
please don't think too much.

I'm trying my best to avoid him as much as possible.
but he's my good friend too.
and such a coincidence, my classmates always spot me with him.

oh.what am I going to do?

2007-03-22T19:07:00.000+08:00

Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?

Have you ever needed somethin' so bad you can't sleep at night?

Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right?

how i need you next to me.

right now.

2007-03-21T17:51:00.000+08:00

As much as I hate to say this, I hate you.
somehow, someway ; I do.

Anyway today's a crazyass day.
besides the shooting trial,
which I had been banging my head on that table ever since.
I feel utterly dumb.
Ohwell, I'll just spare you the details.

Besides that,
when you're the only girl in the group of boys,
you get to experience certain kind of distractions.
especially during breaks.
they not only crap a lot, but IS really dirty minded too.
Not talking about jiehowe anyway.
that ass,only knows how to reply.
And mind you,even though I'm listening to ipod,
I've got every word that you said.
Thinking that he does really look a nerd sort,
yet what came out from his mouth totally surprised me.

Am I over reacting,
but I'm used to the boys in broadrick talk dirty,
oh never mind.
I'm just maybe over reacting abit.
perhaps maybe the way he speaks of it makes my hair stands.

I'm craving for strawberry milktea. =)

2007-03-19T20:19:00.000+08:00

When I can't even trust my sister in doing a simple task for me.
Now resting seems like a sin.
and what's more,I have to read up on my bio later.
tell me,you're tired.then have you thought of me?
I've a long day too.
you can lie on your bloody bed and talk to that bf of yours.
then why can't I lie on my bloody bed of mine?!

school's been really hard on me.
thank goodness,I've jie howe.
now that natalin has new friends and been pangseh-ing me lately,
I've no choice but to stay with jie howe.

when my own sister can even turn her back against me.
whats more other people?
she brushed me off just like that when I needed her to talk.
when bf's rule her own world.

fuckit.
I'm so bloody emotional.
I can't even stand myself.

when all you could only see is darkness
and before you know it, you're lost.

2007-03-17T20:36:00.000+08:00

I think I'm so bitchy to the extent people need not tell me I am,
and me myself knows well.
okay,so let me start ranting.

so tim said I was a bloody bitch,
after judging me by how I react to certain sensitive issues.
yes,sometimes I do think I'm one,
but I do have the non-bitchy side.
just don't diss me off,and I'm very sure I won't diss you off too.
common sense right?
anyway,
my bitchi-ness doesn't at all consume me.
maybe sometimes,but not all the time.

so just.. do not judge me like that.

and nope,I'm not angry.
just clearing up some misunderstandings we had for the past few days.
sometimes,I just comfort myself to believing that you can be such a BLOODY jerk too.

I think I'm going to hit the sheets early today.
I feel totally worn out,I've no idea why.
daddy made noise today again,
I prefer to not say anything about it.
I'm just gonna accept the traditional conservative father of mine.

2007-03-15T16:43:00.000+08:00

I don't see why that fuckface had to ruin such a wonderful day,
i'm sorry once again for the crude words.
but I donno why some fuckface like to piss me off.

the stupid ah lian think her shop damn big,
think her sunglasses are so fucking precious.
Hello?!aren't the sunglasses there for tries??!
are you really dumb or just acting stupid?

this is what the fuckface told me
"If there are any scratches on the sunglasses,it's considered sold."
something like that.and want to tell people also tell people loudly lah.
bitch.and doesn't the shop cater to students?

your sunglasses are like 10 dollars please?
I can afford it,not like as if it's some 100 dollar sunglasses.

ah.what a bummer.
stupid ah lian.

2007-03-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

afternoon naps are so good.
oh so good.

anyway,
i finally got my school bag.
and I still think it's quite small.
but wth lah,I already bought it.

tomorrow's class excellence camp.
tell me about it.
it's gonna be a boring long day.
see new faces,
get to know more people.

finally,after one week.
my ulcer's finally gone.=)
food taste much better now.

cough's still there.=(

I'm going to look like a nerd tomorrow and for the rest of the month.
my lenses chipped off today again this morning.
it's so freaking fragile lah.
stupid.
I barely used it for 2 weeks!

i hate lenses.
i hate specs.
darn.darn.darn.
how stupid to think specs are cool.
stupid.

2007-03-13T20:15:00.000+08:00

actually i was looking forward to the duck porridge at geylang,
but everyone backed out at the last minute,
so I guess this friday then.

I'm scared.
now I'm really starting to feel scared and insecure.
what's his bloody problem?
this is so definitely more than a coincidence.
before,always appearing behind me didn't really matter much to me.
and the dancing part,needless to say,I was disgusted and yuck yuck yuck.
but now,every now and then you appear in front of me is just being too much.
i hate to say this,
but I have to.
FUCK OFF LAH.
i hate stalkers.
you don't have the hots for me.

and please stop trying to stand so close to me.
I'm so sorry,
I'm a very senstive person.
and stop smiling at me with your chekobei smile.

ohmygosh.
i don't see why I must run away whenever he's near.
God,please make him go away.

ANYWAY,
we went dancing after school today,
damn fun lah!
we should go dancing from now onwards after school.=)
right nerd friend?

nerd friend's not in the same class as me.
I'm gonna be a loner in class,
antisocial.
I'll be 1S09 social outcast.=(
I have no friends at all.

anyway,the ulcer's still haunting me day and night.
the ulcer cream's not working lah.
apply for one week already.
I think my father got conned of his money.

2007-03-12T16:17:00.000+08:00

duck porridge at geylang tomorrow night.
how is that?!
natalin claims it's heavenly.
caleen has decided to makan there for dinner tomorrow.
i guess this is settled.
share taxi fare okay?

cough.cough.cough.nonstop.
i'm such a sickly person.
good food on my way tonight!
japanese food!
screw the ulcer lah!

homework.
i have homework.=(

2007-03-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

evil ulcer.
evil evil evil.
no hokkien mee tonight for me i guess.
lost my appetite to eat,
too painful to eat.

wah lau.
the ulcer won't bloody hell go away.
it's been there for days,
leaving me suffering and tearing.

darn,
there's school tomorrow again.
please do wake me up at 6am,dee~

dee.dee.dee.dee.dee.dee.
i love dee,
do I?

2007-03-09T21:57:00.000+08:00

i am perfectly heterosexual.
although I do look at pretty girls myself,
but I love boys.
although they stink and smell at times,
and can be seriously very irritating,
i think they can be nice and sweet at times.

so dee thinks I'm bi.
she's crazy,she's one and she claims everyone around her is one too.
i'm gonna tell aloysius.
haha.tsk tsk tsk.

wah lau,my ulcer is super big lah!
talk also pain,
don't talk also pain,
eat also pain.

2007-03-08T21:45:00.000+08:00

SUCH A BUMMER.
SORE THROAT AND ULCER.AT THE SAME TIME.
FOR THE FIRST TIME,FOOD DOESN'T TASTE AS GOOD AS BEFORE.

BUT STILL GROWING.
GROW.GROW.GROW.
FAT.

2007-03-07T19:46:00.000+08:00

Subject Combinations.

you see,by failing physics,
cancels out half the amount of choices you could choose from.
but who cares,physics just suck.

so the H1 and the H2s.
are driving me nuts.
so it's either lit or geog or econs for H1.
and H2: Maths,Chem?
Bio,do I really want to take bio as one of my H2 subjects?
this just suck.
I'm feeling the stress already,even though school hasn't officially started.

and my bloodshot eyes are back again!
all thanks to yesterday's sleepless night.
I really do not wish to attend the next two days of orientation.
waste of my time,sleep and energy.
seriously,orientations are useless and stupid.

i hate orientations.
i don't really like meeting new people,especially those hi-bye ones.
i think its totally useless like that.
there are sweet pleasant looking girls around in sch,sadly,not in my OG group.
i'm totally burned out.
I see many familiar faces from M.I
Watching YuanWei dance,and I can't stop laughing.
stupid isaac still always bully me.
he's super evil.
I'm not ready to start studying again,
still in my holiday mood.

and I'm craving for donuts,
ever since Char started talking about donuts in school.(M.I)
and yes,I saw her in srj too with amanda,isaac and gordon.

i need sleep.
this time,desperately.

2007-03-06T22:12:00.000+08:00

make me beautiful~

next monday,season finale for nip/tuck.
oww.must watch.must watch.

school starts tomorrow,
or shall i say orientation.
O rientation.never had a good impression.
sleep.sleep sleep.
try to sleep.

2007-03-05T13:18:00.000+08:00

IF ONLY.
I've got a card.
credit card,atm card.

i'm hooked on online shopping.
but i've no $$$.
dang,I'm desperately in need of money.
I need to satisfy my shopping cravings.

I definitely need that 2oo bucks.
wednesday.just wait.
that 2oo bucks is mine!

the best birthday present my parents can give me this year:
CREDIT CARD?

ok I'm so dreaming please.
lets be realistic,ATM card.
it's enough to bring me high.
SO SO SO SO SO HIGH.

2007-03-05T11:55:00.000+08:00

GET A GIFT FOR MUMMY.
1)Bag
2)???
3)???

okay,no bags no bags.
I've got her one,for mother's day already.
and I finally gave her all my ang pao money,
this means no money for the next few days.

I hate being broke.=(

anyway,happy birthday ALE!

2007-03-04T14:07:00.000+08:00

my apologies,bimb.=(
church service ended at 12.50pm today,
and I had no where else to go between that till 2.30pm
and besides I had someone to bring me to the mrt station from church.
so i reached the station at 12.55pm.

didn't want to waste an entire hour or more doing nothing and waiting.
too tired to do so,
and too hungry by the time we've met up.
I ended up going home,no one to have lunch with.
church mates all went for speedlight.
and you were at home,and caleen having lunch with parents.
oh well,I hope you'll get your contacts,
and not be some blind kid anymore.

I'm feeling really restless,and tired.
I think I'm gonna take a nap,
we'll go shopping on tuesday okays with natalin and caleen,
once posting results are out.

love ya,
alicia.

karen's incessant nagging today,
for not coming to cell for what she seems like a thousand of years.
she screamed at me,
in front of everyone.
next time when I ever see her again,
I'll hide.

going out with ex M.I classmates tomorrow.
can you believe that they're still going to school?
and I have to accomodate to them,to wear school u too.

P.S : I THINK YOU DID FAIRLY WELL TOO.THANK YOU.enjoy camp too =)

2007-03-03T23:32:00.000+08:00

give me a kiss,
and tuck me to bed tonight.

2007-03-02T18:50:00.000+08:00

tampons,so dee was saying..
it's small,compact,easier and more comfy.
I wish I had the courage to use it,
and the guts to do it.
maybe one day.haha.

i'm happy for you and aloy anyway.
I can see he loves you =)
haha.he's perfectly heterosexual,
no gay no gay.
although sometimes he claims he's sexually confused.

well he's just bullshitting,
I'm very sure.

love ya,see ya soon.
oh no,I won't get jealous of you.
I'm happy too,don't worry.
I have my girlfriends,
definitely the best companions.

definitely not an emotional post.

2007-03-01T12:30:00.000+08:00

I need a breather.
I'm feeling so many emotions hitting me at the same time,
and I'm emotionally confused.

just feeling a bit lost,
and out of the world.

2007-02-28T23:14:00.000+08:00

if daddy has made the biggest mistake in his life,
it is probably that he had me.

i think the whole world thinks i'm evil and rude,
and has no fking manners at all.
that's what mummy thinks of me.
friends first,
but in the first place,I don't see them often.
to me,family's always first.
i'm feeling really upset that she actually thought of me that way.
maybe it all comes down to me at the end of the day.

but company dinner,
do I really fit in or just there to have good food
or to just be present as the boss's daughter.
it's probably the last one.really.
I'm the youngest boss's daughter,
and I've ought and must be there.
it's an obligation.

Listen.

2007-02-27T20:09:00.000+08:00

Listen, I am alone at a crossroad.

2007-02-27T13:58:00.000+08:00

you know,before we even usher in the new year 2007,
we made new year resolutions and even promise we will stick to them no matter what.
But thinking back right now,
it has all turned to nothing at the end.

we made resolutions to stop being the darn old emo kid,
(but its okay to be emo once in a while,not all the time.)
we even promised to be truely happy for once,
satisfied with whatever we have and cherish it.
but what comes to the end?

don't you think that we're perhaps thinking too much into things?

when the surface tells you that there is absolutely nothing wrong,
and everything is oh so perfect,
but we keep rambling about "there's something really wrong going on"
when our lives seemed as normal.

are we still in our pms mood?
or are we finding excuses so we could be locked away from the world?

i'm feeling exceptionally lazy the past few days,
sleep,wakeup,more sleep.
menses.really.or is it myself?

2007-02-25T17:48:00.000+08:00

it seemed that a long long time ago since I last attended school.
I used to feel proud that I quit school,and I still do now,
but the holidays,supposedly happy ones are now sad and depressing.
although I do have loads of time to go shopping,
and be a tai-tai for the last time before I return to all those choing-ing again.

so it's supposed to be a lovely sunny sunday morning.
and I did wake up on time for church today,alright!
but darn stupid menses came knocking at my door.
and not only that,it brought MR PAIN ALONG.
if only someone saw what I was doing during one of my most excruciating pain-moment of my life.
I WAS HITTING MY HEAD ON MY PILLOW,
CRYING AND MOANING,SCREAMING FOR HELP.
AND WISHING THAT I COULD JUST DIE JUST LIKE THAT.

THOSE COLD SWEAT MADE ME DIRTY AND I HAD TO BATHE AGAIN.
SICKENING.
ARGH.MY TUMMY'S SUPER BLOATED NOW.DAMNIT.

anyway,i was reading through someone's blog just now,
those previous old posts that crazy bitch wrote.
came across this really sacrastic conversation she had with this particular person.
and it's so funny even until now reading it again.
i took it from her blog anyway.
its so damn funny.

***** says:

u there?

MZuindah says:

yeah?

***** says:

wad r u doing at this hr

MZuindah says:

i'm singing and dancing

*Sarcasm number 1, who seriously sings and dance at 3 am in the morning?!

***** says:

lol

***** says:

serious^^^

MZuindah says:

yupp, it's totally fun

***** says:

cool

***** says:

u free anot?

***** says:

do u mind sending songs to me

MZuindah says:

i don't have any stamps on me

*Sarcasm number 2, I was being nice and saying no indirectly but he has no clue

MZuindah says:

sorry

***** says:

stamps?

MZuindah says:

you know, the little square stickers that you paste on letters?

*Sarcasm number 3, I was being smart-alecky and he still have got zilch clue

***** says:

stamps 4 wad?

***** says:

i mean send songs through msn

***** says:

...

***** says:

not by mail

*He’s really either too ignorant or naïve, or just plain idiotic, I don’t know

***** says:

can?

***** says:

or ur busy talking to *censored*

MZuindah says:

you know something, i'll send you all my songs but i can only send them using my owls

*Sarcasm number 4, I really crack myself up. It’s just so hilarious, I’m allergic to owls!

MZuindah says:

you know, like the ones in harry potter?

*Sarcasm number 5, Harry Potter’s a movie, fantasy, not real...

***** says:

owls

MZuindah says:

i have them and they're like totally cute

*Sarcasm number 6, I was trying very very hard to sound sarcastic

***** says:

^^^

***** says:

hmmm

*He’s actually considering it, LOL!

****** says:

i mean bit by bit

***** says:

not whole chunk

***** says:

a few songs

MZuindah says:

my mouse stopped moving

*Sarcasm number 7, I love this one the most and I was out of excuses

MZuindah says:

sorry

***** says:

....

you know what,windah?

you're mean and evil.

haha.but i still like it.=)

2007-02-24T23:04:00.000+08:00

you know,it really does matter who you hang out with sometimes.
i love to hang out with plump people,
or people fatter than me.
okay no offence.
seriously,it makes me feel more confident of myself,
at least i'm thinner than them.
and there would be no such words like sinful indulgence,on a diet,and the most clique word: FAT in my dictionary.
you see why i love to hang out with bimb.
oh my.my bad.i'm such a sucker at times really.
please forgive me.

and the fat tummy that now seemed too obvious,
is seriously not flattering at all.
and the eye bags and dark rings that seemed like they have been there like forever,
is sometimes too much to bear.
and sleeping for hours and hours,
12hours straight is not going to make them go away.
they only bring headaches and headaches.
panadols.panadols.where are you?
can you see why my life is such a bore?

when too much of EVERYTHING,
brings headaches and more stoning.
too much tv,too much ps,too much stoning,too much binge-ing or whatever there is such word.
i seriously need to do exercise.really.
i gained a 4 bloody fking kgs ever since the cny started.
i'm disgustingly fat now.
see why cny is evil?see why every girl hates cny even though there's lots of ang paos?
i'm one.

and bimb claimes that i'm being dramatic,
when i told her i gained 4 fking kgs ever since cny started.
oh well,maybe now because we're both fat!
evil bak-kwa.
i'm never gonna touch bak-kwa till maybe next year.
oh well,i only eat it once a year.too much of "i'm not gonna touch bak-kwa"

NOOOO!!!THE BIG F.A.T WORD IS KILLING ME!
sorry,please blame it on my hormones.
it's emo day.haha.the big M is coming.
and I'm so not looking forward to it.
unstable hormones.crazy moods.eccentric behaviour.
i just shouted at my sister,because she was speaking too loudly.
I'm like a dormant volcano,I can explode anytime without warning.
and when this happens,
i'll get really upset,angry and cold at the same time if things don't get my way.=(
how amazing,i can feel three feelings at a time.
issn't it so interesting?=)
I know I should be controlling those emotions and not them consuming me all the time,
but i'm such a loser really.everytime.
i let those emotions take over me and its game over.
THE BIG M.DEFINITELY SOMETHING EVERY BOYFRIEND SHOULD TAKE NOTE OF.
ESPECIALLY THE WARNINGS.
but i guess i'm different sometimes.
who knows,I'll explode anytime.
and the person nearest to me....
oh well i'll leave the rest to your imagination.

and I'm NOT acting crazy,I am crazy sometimes like now.
I can't even complete a coherent sentence of english when i was talking to dee on the phone.
here is how the convo went about.
aliciadee
hello?
hey!you wanna go shopping or hang out soon at town next week?!
uh?huh?
you wanna go out shopping next week?!
erm.*pause for a long time*
*meanwhile* hello??hello?
and after what seemed like forever she claims,she just hung up.
and I actually said wth.after a whole 5 seconds.
i know i'm quite slow in processing things,sometimes.
anyway,sorry dee,
I was watching a soccer match,
you know when the boys hold authority of the remote control,
you have no choice but to sit with them and watch.
yeah,and i was eating,and listening.
uh.so I wasn't pretty much paying attention.okayokay,mybad.mybad.
we shall go out soon,
where's gorgeous?
I'VE YET TO SEE HIM AND HE HAS TO PASS MY INSPECTION TEST,
AND GO ON PROBATION,
BEFORE YOU ACTUALLY SAY YES TO YOUR HAPPINESS OKAYS?
love you.=)

sorry that you have to read a whole lot of bullshit.

2007-02-23T12:09:00.000+08:00

the world's not showing their ugly butt at you.
you're showing your ugly butt to the world.
and yes,I still fail to comprehend the reason behind that wierd shadow of yours.
When we give ourselves excuses that the time of the month is arriving,
and the big EMO thing starts popping out like CRAZY.
I hate your sacrasm sometimes really,
but I slowly accepted that fact on who you really are.
Why stop at the past,and think of all those cat-fights and bitch fighting.
Why can't we just ride on and think of friends as one of the best companionship?
It's up to you whether you want to face up with social standings and responsibility.
I like that bubbly,happy-go-lucky bitch.
who always come up with the craziest stuffs we could do.

You can't always just think that all strangers are horrendous,dangerous,incompetence morons,idiots,unbearable and stupid.
because not all of them are.
Though you're cynical,like boys we hate.
boys are suckers.
boohoo.
it's time to step out of that cynical world of yours,
you know there are nice people out there.
Maybe you won't trust them,
but at least acknowledge them.
Seriously,go see a doctor.
Get your brain checked THOROUGHLY.
I don't wanna see you through the same mistake again.

still love you,
alicia.

2007-02-22T17:30:00.000+08:00

can we pause at our favourite parts?

therandomfactoftheday.
iactuallylovemyrednails.

korean drama serials.
i'm getting too sick of them.
i'm getting too sick of ps too.
everything bores me,and i'm falling asleep all over again.

when now,i don't feel like reading anymore.
too much of thinking shopping everyday,
and doing mani/pedicure.
I'm starting to feel my intelligence dropping and
i don't bother using my brain anymore.

I can't stay home tomorrow.
or else I'll just spend my precious time sleeping,
my life's such a bore,really.
i miss school,
maybe not the work,
but the crazy stuffs we do.

i miss my girlfriends,
it seemed like forever since I last saw them.
okay,it's only been a week.
oh well,tomorrow's friday already.

bak-kwa + love-letters + tarts,sweets = F.A.T

i'm back to 52 =(

2007-02-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

don't like mood swings.
won't want to be bitchy.
hate to be what i am right now,
the ugly side of me.
blame it on pms kays?

it's just the time of the month,
and a part of me.

explains why i've been so tired,
even after such long hours of sleep.
it sucks being a girl,issn't it?

i think i'll be hitting the sheets soon,
very soon.

2007-02-20T20:31:00.000+08:00

can you be my lover forever,don't wanna be your friend anymore.
when losing you has forced me to learn.
let's have one last try of love.
make me believe i've made the right choice,
let me believe we're meant to be.
make me feel that I'm blissfully in love.

2007-02-20T15:40:00.000+08:00

L.O.V.E

WHAT'S LOVE?
WILL ANYONE TELL ME WHAT IT EXACTLY MEANS?

LOVE.
WE THINK ABOUT IT ALL-DAY LONG,WE DREAM ABOUT IT EVERYDAY,WE SING ABOUT IT AND NEVERSTOPPING,
AND SOMETIMES WORRY AND SCARE OURSELVES ABOUT IT,EVEN BE ANGRY AND MOODSWINGS AND ALL.

AND WHEN WE DON'T HAVE LOVE,WE SEARCH FOR IT AND HOPE WE'LL BE LOVED THE SAME WAY OR MORE.
AND WHEN WE DISCOVER THE LOVE,WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT AND HOW.
BUT WHEN WE HAVE THAT LOVE, WE FRET AND WORRY AND SCARED THAT YOU'LL LOSE IT OR TAKE IT FOR GRANTED.

LOVE.
IT'S MY CONSTANT SOURCE OF PLEASURE AND PAIN.
AND IT''S MY MOST PAINFUL WORD.

IT'S A SHORT 4 LETTERED WORD YET IT CAN CAUSE SO MUCH PAIN IN OUR HEARTS.
IT'S SOMETHING MAYBE ALL OF US CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT,
AND FOR ME,
WITHOUT LOVE,ITS IMPOSSIBLE.

you'll always be in my heart,huns.
whether or not love.

2007-02-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

stupid staircase.evil staircase.
I fell again,and now my knee hurts like hell.
i dont want another scar to add to my ugly collection.
i know,I'm super careless.
can't be helped.
it's in my genes.

church.this saturday,sunday.
I've to go church this week.
I miss church terribly,praise and worship and all.
I know I've been a bad kid,and still a bad kid.
so I should make it up and be a good kid.

oh anyway,
happy chinese new year all who smsed me.
and even those who didnt.

love,thank you for everything today =))

2007-02-17T14:20:00.000+08:00

i want another session of manicure and pedicure.
i want to cut hair.
i want to go shopping.
i want another pig-out session.
i want the cam back.
i want money.

see,why my parents find it hard to satisfy me.
and my friends rolling their eyes at me.

So much of loving the holidays now,
I'm starting to dread it.
sometimes.sleeping at un-godly hours,
and waking up at 2-3pm.
the next thing you know,the day's over.
the cycle repeats itself.

sadly,i'm a poorpoor person,
with like less than $5 in her pocket on fridays.
I still haven't got myself a belt yet,
so much time to look for one,
but i spent it lazing on my bed.
it's not really my fault that I couldnt find one,
i'm just a poor kid.

memummy
I want to get those heels.
please.
you have the red,the white,the blue,the black ones.
you never wore them?!

see why,sometimes the spoiled brat doesnt get what she wants.
so i'm not as spoiled as you,dee.
HAHA.

OKAY,I'M EVIL.
SORRY MY BAD.
BOO...

2007-02-16T21:59:00.000+08:00

HELLO SUN SHINE!

i don't want to be your whole life,
i just want to be your favourite part. =)

2007-02-15T17:46:00.000+08:00

please.
don't put up a brave front.
I know I've been a bitch for toying with your feelings.
I know you're gonna hate me.
but why?
Why act as if nothing has happened,
why give your best wishes to me and him,
when you know that's not what you want.

the closer you come;the more painful it is.

they say time makes you forget,
but they're wrong,
time's only gonna make you get used to the pain.

stop being the mr nice guy,huns.
stop making me feel bad of myself.

i dashed your hopes,
and I don't wanna be there to ruin your life.

i made that decision,
and one day if it crumbles and fall again,
i wouldnt blame anyone but myself.

let's give each other some time,
I promise I'll work a way.

love you.
alicia.

2007-02-13T20:22:00.000+08:00

because I love to lay here lazy,

we could close the curtains,

we could PRETEND

there's no world outside.

love you.

EMO-ISH RANTING.

2007-02-12T18:50:00.000+08:00

Oh let me rant,for the last time today.
And this might be really cryptic.

I guess that sometimes it best to remain ignorant and oblivious
or what-so-ever.
I'm torn between whether to speak the truth,
or hide it.

sometimes you wonder,
whether some things are worth pursuing.
But you can't leave it,
neither can you forget about it and think that nothing has happened.
but yet it stares right in your face.
You can't really help but to face it.
and realising for the moment,
it'll all be history soon.
forgive me.

Would you trap me in my own blissful oblivion,anybody?

"can you just feel your level of intelligence dropping?
it's probably sub-zero,
and still dropping."

YES.
i'm sorry.

2007-02-12T15:05:00.001+08:00

I'm so glad bimb just gave us her warmest wishes,
and she's happy for me.
Something good for the start of the day.
I guess.

Pedicure and gelare session tmr with bimb.=)
I think one day,we should just get married to some rich guy.
Be a tai-tai for the rest of our lives.
okay,I'm still dreaming lah.

CHEAP THRILLS.
thursday thursday kays?
we'll go shopping again. =))

I desperately need a belt.

2007-02-11T21:07:00.000+08:00

GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE,
AND I WON'T HURT YOU.

thanks dee~!

2007-02-10T16:53:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't love you,
but I want too.
I just can't turn away.
I shouldn't see you, but I can't move.
I can't look away.

I tried my best to let go of you,
but I don't want too.

This emptiness is killing me,
I'm wondering why I've waited so long.
Looking back I realize,
it was always there, just never spoken.
I'm waiting here, been waiting here all along.

I still love you.
thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you.
Just so you know.

2007-02-09T16:24:00.000+08:00

Disappointments.
over and over again.

i'm so tired,
I don't wanna think anymore.
it's all my fault for not studying harder.
I want so much to see myself smile and party later,
but I guess I should just stay home and stone.
stare at my own ugly reflection tonight maybe.

but I just wanna thank God,
for everything he's done,
the miracles that he worked on me.
and thank all those sweet smses that started pouring in at 1am in the morning,
till 3pm today.
I may not have done so well this round,but I know it's gonna be alright. =)

2007-02-08T21:46:00.000+08:00

Okay,
so tell me so what if you saw me doing manicure huh?
huh,jocey-love?

I had my nails red,
for good luck.
It's a sign.
You get it,it's a sign babe.

I'm going to wear my red underwear and bra.
it's still a sign.
oh god.I'm disgusting.
too much of an influence.

nah,I don't have red undergarments.
I'm just talking cock.

THERANDOMS.

"No wonder it's hard to make friends in that clique-ridden prison you call school."

jocey-love says,
"M.I is an excellent school,Alicia,you know that."

the sacrasm.
seriously,
you can't wait to get your hands on her.

2007-02-08T11:54:00.000+08:00

CHINESE NEW YEAR.

Apart from the new clothes I buy every year,
that makes me smile.
the rest,just sucks.

Chinese new year cleaning,
why the hell must I come home specially just to clean the house?
If so,what's the maid for?
I might be my family useless spoiled brat,
but at least I did something.
Stop saying that I did nothing cause I did.

I'm so fking stressed now because of the results coming out on friday,
and besides I've been sleeping at 4-5am every single day.
I'm so exhausted,
yet I can't sleep.
To add to it,
I've been shopping everyday,
bought some black bottoms at topshop yesterday.
At this rate I'm going,
I'm going to grow broke again.

It's a smart choice to change friday's night dinner to friday morning breakfast.
I doubt I would want to go for dinner after the results.
AND FOLLOW THE BOYS PLAY POOL.

Andrew:
Sorry about the other night,
the screaming and sorts.
You must be thinking I'm mad or something.
I guess I WAS.

I feel like reading a lot today and exercising.
So I'm gonna go national library with natalin to read and borrow some books.
and at 6, jogging.
After that,come home to sweep the floor. -/-
Enough of shopping and window shopping,
cause window shopping would end up being shopping.
So today,
I'm gonna bring out 20 dollars only
just to get the dorthy perkins chain.
I've got discount for buying the bottom at topshop,
I've got $18 discount,
so that means only $5 top up.

Okay,okay lah.
last one.last one.

2007-02-07T18:11:00.000+08:00

ALICIA HO'S AND NATALIN SEAH'S ALLTIME FAV!

RANKING #1
Justin Timberlake A Special Christmas Box Lyrics
FEAT. ANDY SAMBERG

RANKING #2
SHE FUCKING HATES ME.
PUDDLE OF MUD.

**#1
Hey girl I got somethin' real important to give you
So just sit down and listen
Girl you know we've been together such a long long time (such a long time)
And now I'm ready to lay it on the line (Wooow)
You know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide
Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind
A gift real special, so take off the top
Take a look inside -- it's my dick in a box
Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sort of gift don't mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl ya gotta know you're my shining star
Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs somethin' real
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart
Somethin' special girl It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box babe .

It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl
See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin' (yeah)
And I got just the one, somethin' to show ya that you are second to none
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps
1: Cut a hole in a box
2: Put your junk in that box
3: Make her open the box
And that's the way you do it
It's my dick in a box... my dick in a box babe
It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl Christmas; dick in a box
Hanukkah; dick in a box
Kwanzaa; a dick in a box
Every single holiday a dick in a box
Over at your parent's house a dick in a box
Mid day at the grocery store a dick in a box
Backstage at the CMA's a dick in a box (yeah-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow)
A dick in a box, a dick in a box, a dick in a box...

it's my dick in the box?!!
haha.
OUR NEW FAVOURITE SONG!
caleen:GO learn the lyrics!

2007-02-06T18:02:00.000+08:00

the morning call woke me up from my sleep today.
In fact,it was the vibration of the call alert that hit me on the head.

Hello?,I tried to identify the caller.

- no response-

"HELLO?!!"

-still no response-

"ASSHOLE."

I hang up.

Seriously,I have no idea who called,
but I'm sorry for that evil word.
my bad.

SO.
PLEASE DO NOT CALL ME AT 7AM IN THE MORNING.
I SLEPT AT 5AM last morning,
GIVE ME A BREAK.

and some sameul called up today,
seriously I couldn't really give a bother.
Go out someday?
Sure.
SOMEDAY.

I'M EVIL.
REALLY,
but thank you for making a difference by dissing me off today.

2007-02-05T19:21:00.000+08:00

Run,run, as fast as you can,you can't catch me,
I'm the gingerbread man.
oh no.
No,no,no,no you can't catch me.

that silly game we used to play.
The alcohol we used to consume,
especially through those miserable times,
where we party all-night.
but,
When all has swept away,
there will be no one to cry with,
no one to hug you to sleep anymore,
and there would be absolutely no one who would whisper to you,
and say
"It's gonna be alright."

the past few nights,
when the clock striked twelve,
I'm still probably not home.
I never thought I needed you so badly by my side,
at least to tell me that it's gonna be alright again.

and if I would ever ask God for a favour,
I hope he would change that dirty little side of me,
that indecisive spoil brat,
who can't make a stupid darn decision.
sometimes even on food.
and it would soon become a ritual whenever I eat out for dinner,
I'll order multiple food orders.
and that poor boy has to finish those leftovers for me.

tell me what a bitch I am.
I don't deserve such a boyfriend.

2007-02-04T23:57:00.000+08:00

OLE~OLE~OLE~OLE~
yay!
Singapore won!
the lions won!
I'm so glad right now,
soccer made my day today =)

Shame on me,
I couldn't get to watch the match.
Ah,I had to attend a funeral wake.

I'm turning in early tonight,
korkor thinks I'm ugly with those puffy eye bags.
And sometimes I do think so.
I'm exhausted,
I haven't been really sleeping well the past few days.
I think I need pills,sleeping pills.
Those evil eyebags,are haunting me.

2007-02-04T19:43:00.000+08:00

I won't deny that I felt lonely,
I admit that there were times I feel alone.
But I'm glad that there will always be my parents and brother there to bring things around.
My parents have been really kind to me these few days,
showering me with love and of course,money.
I'm even thinking of getting a levis jeans for 2oo bucks.
and my mummy actually say yes to it.

My dad just gave me 150 dollars,for shopping.
he's so sweet,and plus another 200 bucks if i ever complete the run in one hour.
my kor kor,
saved the day yesterday,
by catching those digusting flies that fly around the house once in the while.
seriously,it makes buzzing sounds.

Anyway,
I think I spent so much money,
I can't keep count on.
I'm going shopping again tomorrow,
probably getting the jeans from levis or something.
Grab a book and read at the library.

I have no idea,
why I'm feeling so emotional and depressed lately.
When you don't get those frequent calls anymore.
It sucks,but whatever.
life's like that.

2007-02-03T13:44:00.000+08:00

My plans for today are ruined.
so if i didn't call bimb at 12pm today,
she'll probably not call me at all.
oh well.never mind.
I think I'll stay home to play ps,
rather than fretting on who to ask out for shopping.

Guitar lesson is cancelled today,
he can't make it today.
ah this sucks.
and I drove my huns away.
this means I should just stay home and rot my ass away.

tomysweetlookingboynextdoor:

I know I'm always unreasonable.
please don't put up with me.
shout,scream,scold anything.
weekends are now so precious to you,
I don't wanna waste those time on quarrelling over dumb minor things.
I'll never make that perfect girlfriend.
and,
I know you know what's happening between cheryl and me.
I bear no grudges,please don't take it out at her.
it's all these stupid lovey dovey thing,
it's driving me crazy.
Just take it that I've never let go of my past,
and now it's time for you to move on.
Get a girlfriend,
then I,as your best bud,
would most gracefully give you my best wishes.

I feel so cold,especially at night,
and as I cuddle myself under my blankets,
I know if that relationship we went ahead with,falls apart,
I'll lose that friendship with you as well.
I've lost that one special friendship before,
and it really sucks,
it sucks to that extent that I wished we never went ahead with that relationship.
At least,maybe now,we could still be friends,
or even hi-bye friends.
but it's a decision we made,
perhaps a wrong one,
and that we just got to live on with it for the rest of our lives.

give ourselves,
or give yourself a chance to love someone again.

with lots of love,
alicia.

2007-02-02T11:19:00.000+08:00

the hottest eyecandy.

Wentworth miller =))

2007-02-01T18:47:00.000+08:00

the pressure is
KILLING ME.

please stop reminding me the results are gonna be out.
let me have a good time enjoying myself.
before I have to face the music,
and return to my old depressed self.
where I feel the guilt again one more time.

if only I could turn back time..

perhaps I would be happy looking forward to my results.

2007-02-01T01:27:00.000+08:00

It's 1am in the morning right now,
and perhaps a time to pen an entry after what seemed like a long long day for me.

"BRUTO!"
haha.I learned a new bad bad bad bad word today.
Watching a match at the stadium,
you somewhat get influenced to a wide variety of vulagrites.
god,please forgive me,
I know I've been a bad kid today for cursing and swearing,
but I fell down to temptation.
Everyone was cursing and swearing,
I couldn't help but to follow along.
It just came out from that sinful mouth of mine,
besides I needed to scream and shout.

the past 2 days being really sucky,
and no one to really understand the plight I was in,
had been really depressing.
Although I was mean to my friends around me who cared,
I gave my sincere apologies.
I tried to avoid them,to protect them from my sinful behaviour,
but they kept pissing me off.
I had no choice but to ask them to go away.
it was bad enough to leave me silent for the whole entire afternoon,
not being able to sleep throughout the night.
and not being able to speak a single word for hours,
just stone and stare at my own reflection.
Too exhausted to cry.
too exhausted to say a word.
too exhausted to even sms.

when all those shouting and screaming,
and being oh so patriotic to my country,
really worth the money I spent,
instead of indulging it on food,and unneccessary earrings I would never wear.
I just bought two pairs today,
and I wanted to get the third pair,
but thank you bimb for pulling me out of the shop.

I haven't really got out of that shell yet,
but I'm starting to lose my voice.
thank god,singapore won thailand 2 against 1.
At least a ray of hope for singapore.=)

supper after the match.
Suppers are evil,
they make me grow fat again.

So what if I change into a person I hardly even know?

that thought is so gravely terrifying,issn't it?

the pain that made me cry today: FACIAL.
that is what I call PAIN THAT YOU ASKED FOR.

2007-01-30T20:56:00.000+08:00

all thanks to the "expressive" msn nick I had,
thanks douglas.
I'm fucking depressed now.

Tomorrow's soccer day.
Finally a day where we scream our lungs out,
and nobody thinks we're crazy.

Whatever my heart desires for,
I would never have.

*and never ever disturb a fucking depressed kid,
cause you'll end up being depressed as well.
so GO AWAY.

2007-01-30T00:02:00.000+08:00

when a friend of his tells me how insecure she feels,
just because I exist,
really hurts me.
Maybe,I wish I didn't exist,
but in reality I know I do.
perhaps a girl and a boy can't really be best friends,can they?

SO WHAT IF I CAN'T LET GO OF MY PAST?
IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
GO AWAY.

i promised never to cry again.
stop making me.
please.
take all you want.
leave nothing behind.

2007-01-29T20:11:00.000+08:00

you know when you have no school,
and have lots of time to waste,
my bimb doesnt want to go out.
my girlfriends couldn't decide where to go,
and what to do.
so sometimes we have to follow the boys.
Seriously,hanging out with boys can be really boring.
either they play lan or play pool.

We were suppose to meet at parkway again.
oh yes,you read it,
it's PARKWAY.
Time:3pm.
At 3pm,dtay smsed me and said that he would be late.
so at 3.20pm,he called me screaming at me to hurry down to meet him.
Obviously I was still watching tv and munching on some chocolate bar,
but still i took my own sweet time and reached there at 3.45pm.=)

Douglas called me shortly,
telling me he lost his wallet,
and he could only come after 4.
WTH.so we waited and waited until he came.
one thing I found out,
they cant eat ice cream.
they look like 3 year old kids eating ice cream.
where the ice cream melts,and its all over their hands,
and even the shirt.
it's an embarrassing thing that they have to squad next to the potted plants.
looking like retards.
Unfortunately,meiwen roanny isham martin guangren came along,
haha,they got laughed at,of course.
and so we went to have a game of pool.
AGAIN.
Really,I'm sick of that game,
can we like stone and talk cock instead.
that for sure I know,needs no $$$.

I'm going broke.
I went shopping with ade,
while dtay and douglas went home.
I got myself a pair of earrings at dorothy perkins.
while de got himself topman jacket.
I'm going shopping tomorrow again with mei xuan and ah mui.
haha.and he jun is getting the soccer tixs for me,
the one singapore against thailand.
haha.I'm excited.

2007-01-28T19:47:00.000+08:00

I know I shouldn't be cursing at this time,
but he deserves it.
that ass went back to camp last evening.
and he said "join us for dinner."
I thought he was going for the dinner too,
but no he didn't turn up.
I went dinner with his parents.
ALONE.
he just left me so hopeless with them.
and so much of having dinner together,sucker.

and to whoever who's feeling emo today,
especially to that person,you know who you are.
It's alright to feel emo and sad over that jerk,
but you don't have to go through this alone.
I'm sure you can share those troubles to your friends out there,
at least in their hearts,
they agree with you on a similar thing now,
that he's an asshole and he's not worth those tears.
Cause he's not gonna turn back and take you in your arms,
telling you that it's all just a joke.
Boys are just fucktards,
so does true love exist?
you tell me.

I read this somewhere,
but I forgot where I read this from,
but it says,
"People cry because they experience emotions and pain that are far too great for a body to take,
and hence tears flow as the body wepts."
I hope I wouldn't cry the way I did before.

anyway,I met asshole and aloy quite some time ago with nette,
and those 2 boys went to the toilet together,
of course coming back together.
so the conversation was like this.
Aloy:hey tim,do you have any idea who was smoking in the toilet just now?
asshole timothy goh: the smoker,loh!
Sometimes I really doubt his intelligence.

I'm pms-ing today,
don't piss me off.
haha.One thing I like about having menses,
it gives me a reason to be angry.
okay,stop rolling your eyes!

2007-01-27T23:59:00.000+08:00

I've never been so crazy for soccer before,
but today I actually went to the stadium and WANTED to watch it,
because I was so extremely bored at home after getting sick of playing ps from 10am till 4pm.
Whats worse,
I cancelled guitar lesson today just cause I was lazy and I just didnt want to stop playing.
and the excuse was cramps.
I really had cramps la!

but Unfortunatly,
all the tickets got sold out.
So me and bimb decided to go to parkway,
no it's bimb's idea to go parkway,
to meet desmondtay and ade.
and I wanted to go suntec/esplanade?
GREAT.
when fridays and now even on saturdays we hang out at parkway.
dinner then followed by pool.
Can we change something?
I'm sick of playing pool.
But eventually I have to play,
because we had to kill time just to watch soccer.
haha.
We were the loudest lot when singapore scored a goal
especially me and bimb.
This is what we call patriotic.=)

by the way,we had random chats on the bus to parkway.
and.
You see why,sometimes we (me and bimb) are so cynical about men,
we don't think of boys as potential boyfriends anymore,
only as short term flings.
I've just received an sms from a friend just like not long ago,
it says
" XXXXX is a f*cking jerk.He just dumped me."
I actually wanted to say cool,nice try.
but my sixth sense told me it wasn't a scam.
I could feel it,
okay it sounds spastic but yeah.
To me,I wished he stop existing.
at least in my mind.
and for long,that thought was fixed into that head of mine.
until I think I saw him
then everything seemed to stop again...

At times,I actually do think what if I were a robot.
then there wouldn't be things called crying and pain.
the best thing of all is that you need not sleep at all.
gee,I should just turn in early today.
my brain and my body needs rest.

don't turn gay,huns.
just hang in there.
muahaha.

2007-01-26T23:40:00.000+08:00

It's been a long week for me,
and it's finally the weekends approaching!
yes I do miss ya bimb,
when I was at ang mo kio.
So many things to say,
so many people I miss,
it feels great to be home once again.

Really,sometimes I'm such a loser.
these are the reasons why.
1)One of my contacts chipped off after only 2 weeks!
2)My friends stole my withdrawal form.
3)People are psycho-ing me to skip school, (You know I'm always that innocent kid who doesnt play truant.)
4)I'm late almost everyday for school.
5)I skip classes so I can go home earlier.
6)The sickening bio teacher makes me hate bio.
7)I DON'T do homework AT ALL.
8)I have no life after school.
9)I don't go to school on tuesdays and thursdays.

School hasnt been all that good as it seems.
My withdrawal form got snatched away from isaac.
I've been pon-ing lessons every single day,
especially gp and econs and maths and bio and mother tongue.
aiya just all the subjects except chem.
Lessons are just so boring,
I go to school everyday just to sleep.
practically just sleeping in front of the teacher.
And I always get random smses from isaac to stop sleeping and eating sweets in class.
I get poked during my sleep by meixuan whenever the teacher's looking at me.
and the stupid bio teacher just love picking on me,
who really cares about what messenger RNA does,
or what ribosomes are for?
Sometimes I question myself why the hell was I there the first place?

Anyway I visited Nanyang poly's openhouse yesterday with natalin,
checked out the courses.
I was thinking of mass media.
sighs,seriously I should really get down to doing some homework.
I need to sort out what courses I should choose if I really do go to poly.
and which poly.
I've got all the poly's brochures,
but if it's talking about convenience here,
I would love to go temasek poly,nearest to my house=))
means I still get to stay within my comfort zone.

huns' home today,
but probably spending quality time with his parents.
at least I hope he still remembers me and give me a call soon.*hint hint*

I met up with my girlfriends today,
and not forgetting my ex-boyfriend.
haha.
now he's my darling.=)
but I still miss my supernatural show at 10.
see,I told you coming out at 8pm for dinner we wouldnt be able to make it home on time.
oh well.nvm.
and
3 weeks staying at grandma's house,I've become a tv fanatic.
I know what's on at channel 5 everynight.
Monday- Girls Out Loud and NipTuck.**I love Niptuck=))
Tuesday- C.S.I
Wednesday-Extreme Makeover and American Idol.
Thursday-Prisonbreak.
Friday-Supernatural.

This explains why I sleep during lessons all the time. =))

By the way
I'm not going back to school next week.
I hate the school.
I just want to stay home and hang out with bimb for gelare session.
where I need not face disciplinary actions and sickening bio teacher's face.
and ms ang wouldn't ask the same question everyday,
"Alicia,were you late today?"
I was the only one she calls everyday,
and most of time I would be the last to enter class;
if I'm unlucky I sit with a bunch of idiots who only knows how to bang tables and
if I'm lucky I get to sit with nice sweet people.
I don't really care much about the withdrawal form anymore.
I'm just not coming to school.
Argh,I get emotionally unstable when it comes to going to school.
see how much I hate school.

I've yet to practise my chords,
my fingers are accustomed to the pressure and it's not red and painful anymore.
I'll be tested on my chords tomorrow.
please pray that I pass that.

I'm tired again,
sometimes I'm so sick of sleeping.
I need to save a day to stay home and play ps.
darl wants to go shi sha on sunday at clarke quay,
if only my dad was in a good mood,
I'm sure I could find a way but my dad's currently quite pissed with me not coming home for the whole week,
so right now I'm under curfew.
I don't think I can even go dxo tomorrow.

"I swear my life sucks!" screams bimb.

that's what I'm feeling right now.

2007-01-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

I'm picking a new hobby!
and that's gonna be learning to play the guitar.=)
I got scolded by mummy,
for not going to temasek poly open house.
dang.
It's not my fault really.
I was too lazy.
And I didn't want to miss having japanese food for dinner.

my fingers are sore,
red,
and painful.
but I'm gonna learn it well,
and I'll be sure that I will be lonely no more.

I'm feeling really tired lately at around this time,
it has because a habit,
and its getting on my nerves at times especially when it comes to weekends,
cause it seems to me that weekends are depressingly short.

I hate.
that bulging tummy of mine.
I always pray that it would go away.
but the ice cream supply never seems to stop.
and the late night suppers at grandma's house,
is making me a fat old hag.

see.
when not staying home for 5 days,
makes me feel so left out.
My brother and my sister went out with their girlfriend and boyfriend,
to watch a midnight show.
and what the hell am I at home?
because I didn't have a boyfriend?
oh well.
I'm better off sleeping.
sometimes,you just got to face it.
too bad.

2007-01-20T00:13:00.003+08:00

I never felt so fortunate before.
I've always taken my parents,my siblings,the everything I used to have at home,for granted.
and now when I have no choice but to leave for my grandmother's house to stay for 5 days in a week,
I suddenly feel so deprived.

but I sacrifaced so much for food.
I love my grandma's cooking,
and so much for exercising.
I've been partying every weekend,
I hardly have time to rest.

I'm meeting chuan chuan and the rest tomorrow,
at east coast park to somewhat have fun,
and so coincidentally,
my bimb and some of the boyfriends are having a chalet.
This means that I have to be at two places at one time,
but I'm going to find a way though.

Anyway,
I don't like the girls in my class,
or shall I say I don't like this particular 2 girls.
so what if you have dyed hair,
doesnt make you any prettier,
you just make people feel sick and ah lian-ish.
oh go to hell you suckers.
And by the way you suckers,
I dont give a damn about the guys you hang out with.
and I dont have to avoid them just because you like them.
Take them if you want,
I want none of them.
Talking about taste here,
I think I'm better in that.

I went to ngee ann poly openhouse today,
went to check out the various courses.
If I've decided to go to poly,
I might as well consider withdrawing from mi.
the place suck,
the people suck( okay not all,but some really sweet ones),
the maths teacher hates me.

Ade's back to singapore!
yay,my ex boyfriend's home.
*smiles smiles*
he staying over at chalet tonight with the other guys,
and we had class dinner at fish and co today,
and even Ms Chua turned up,
with the rest of the 30 plus people.
It was really noisy there,
the majority of the noise came from us.

Felicity joined us for friday night dinner today!=)
all smiles.
and we had a bimbo game of pool,
where we cheated and had lots of fun.
screaming and laughing at the top of our voices.
It was really fun lar,
never had such fun ever since I entered mi.

I knew some really nice sweet guys there in mi,
like chuan chuan and ting jia,
but getting too close only spells rumour after rumour.
so I guess I have to draw the line somehow somewhere.

My official class has no eye candies,
neither are there hot babes,
only 2 ugly bitches of course.

Lets just say I'm not really keen on going to temasek poly open house,
it brings me bad memories.
but I'm not going to take that as an excuse from avoiding that place,
I'll go if there's an available time slot tomorrow.
besides,its the nearest poly near home.
this means if I attend school at temasek,
I can stay at my own home.
Won't that be wonderful?
Okay I've gone bonkers ever since I went over to my granny's place.
Make me feel that home is the best.

And I'll drop by at nanyang poly next week for open house,
hopefully I can find someone to go with.
so anyone?

Sorry andrew I couldn't drop by your house for dinner,
I was meeting my ex classmates,
and come to realise it,
I really do miss them.
yes,i do miss huns.
how many times do you want to ask?

boo hoo.
I'm burned out.
exhausted.
tired.

and the soccer game I had with the boys today,
landed me up limping slightly.
I've just got home just not long ago,
and I'm starting to feel the ache.

2007-01-14T18:57:00.000+08:00

I feel extremely unhappy that I've to go to school tomorrow.
I think,on a long run,I would sink into depression and die.
I hate school,
and it's the first time I experience such intense hatred for school.

Firstly,
I'm still on my holiday mood,
and the timetable in mi sucks big time.
you can have chem for 2 periods and end at 10 plus.
and stupid useless home tutor at 12.35pm,
where people just talk cock to the teacher for 1 period until 1.30pm,
and then school's over.
can you imagine stoning from 10 plus to 12.35,
and doing absolutely nothing but stare at each other?
tell me how boring is that!
besides,the only shopping centre u can explore is west mall.

sometimes I rather I did badly for prelims,
and not go anywhere.
At least I still can have gelare session with bimb,
go on a shopping spree with girlfriends,
talk cock with the boyfriends,
and just hanging out.

and
the conversation I had with bimb today,
really got me thinking,
maybe i do like him a lot,
or perhaps its a lovey-dovey kind of thing.
but one thing for sure I know,
I miss his cookies.
oh god,I'm such a pig.

2007-01-13T13:31:00.000+08:00

PERPLEXED.
To change to livejournal or not.

Stop making me feel emo.
I stepped out of that world a long time ago.
Stop pushing me back,
I've lost hope in relationships and
getting a boyfriend wouldn't help solve that emotional barrior of mine.
So stop the messages pouring in 24/7,
I need not report where I am,
who I'm with,
or what-so-ever.
and andrew,
stop mimicking that ass.
I've enough of the "I like you" clique.

school and the infatuation bullshit,
are driving me nuts.
I only want to go shopping with my girlfriends.
and if only huns were here to listen to me rant,
I believe life would be a much better one.

Poly openhouses anyone?
Just not temasek poly.
I'm thinking ngee ann poly,
I've got shirley to go with next saturday.=)
This time,I'm putting in serious consideration in going to a poly instead of jcs.
Perhaps it would be much better this way.

MI would never be one of my choices,
if I can't make it to a jc.
If I really can't make it to a jc,
I would gladly go to a poly.
oh well,no big deal.
Poly's just as good,
the only thing is that I've to make sure I get into the correct one.

I want so badly to withdraw from school.

2007-01-12T17:36:00.000+08:00

I'm home!=)
I miss home,
and now that I'm home,
I'm feeling stupidly happy.
But now that huns has gone away too for army,
I feel so empty and lonely.
It hasn't been 24 hours yet since I last saw that boy,
I'm starting to miss him..=(

oh well,
i hate it when my ears turn red,
and my cheeks turn rosy.
It's not as if I haven't been kissed before,
or that was my first kiss.
AH.I'm ashamed.
it's just a peck.
Why am I making such a big fuss.
this is one good example to explain why sometimes I'm such a loser.

I'm slowly adjusting to the my sleeping timetable,
where every other day except weekends,
I go to bed at 11pm.
and I wake up at 6.20am.
Needless to say,
I experience much difficulties in waking up.
and I fell asleep during bio lecture today.
thank god,the teacher didn't notice.

School has really been such a bore to me.
I totally dislike going to school.
Although there would be yici to "really" talk to,
I hardly get to see him.
and the other friends I knew were merely just acquaintances.

Without huns,
life's gonna be really lonely.
No one to have gelare-session with,
unless with bimb.
argh.I'm such a loser.

2007-01-11T19:20:00.000+08:00

I'm going home tomorrow.
Finally a week of hell,
my life disrupted,
and me living in my own boring world;
I'm finally going home.
I'm feeling really excited about it.
Please bear with me,
I think the life I'm living now has taken such a toll on me recently.

I hate school.
boring lectures.
wierd friends.
no fun.
and the worst thing is that I'm struggling with choosing the right words.
The right chinese words to speak.
oh darn,my chinese suck.

my life suck.
and my mum wants me to stay on at ang mo kio.
dang.

2007-01-10T16:11:00.000+08:00

I miss home so terribly.
I miss my computer,my bed,my aircon,my friends.
and I miss my bimb..=(
I don't like school.
Its depriving me of my needs,
disrupting my normal life.
I made new friends,
all chinese speaking ones.
I feel so empty and lonely in ang mo kio.
My only entertainment is tv and books.
No huns to have lunch with me,
no bimb to talk cock with and hang out.

As I said,
My new made friends are all chinese speaking,
and not wild at all.
When I go high,
they think I'm nuts.
I can go screaming the whole 5 minutes,
and the next thing they did was,roll their eyes at me.
This is how boring my life is.

I come home straight after school,
have lunch,
and sleep for 2-3 hours,
before I start reading a book.
and then off to watch tv.
And there goes my whole entire week..

Here I am,blogging at a lan shop with shawn.
at ang mo kio.
dang.never felt so low in my life.
I miss the girlfriends although I havent seen them for a week.
god,can friday hurry come.

I dread going to school.
I want my old life back.

2007-01-07T20:50:00.000+08:00

so I spent the whole day watching hong kong serials.
and I met up with huns.
I admit sometimes I'm really a pig.
I woke up at 12pm today,
only to realise that I miss service.

Tomorrow's Monday,
and I dread mondays.
It's gonna be a long week ahead before friday comes,
and I'll be staying over at granny's place.
This means no computer for the whole week,
but no way am I going to survive without it.
I make sure I'll find a way.

ah i hate the starting of school.
dread dread dread.

2007-01-06T14:53:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when I think of you,
I'll close my eyes
and it kinda brought me back when I was still with you.
I like that feeling.
I've been trying to convince myself I'm over you.
I've been a fool for so long.
the most painful I've to go through.
Although I don't need you anymore in my life,
but I want to hold you so dearly in my heart,
because I know that's what my heart desires and craves for.

Moving on,doesn't seem as easy as I could ever thought of.
I tried and dreamt of it all day long.
Somehow now,I've no idea where I stand.
Say it that I've moved on or not.
But I've know that you were once part of my life,
was once the reason that made me smile,
and once the person I would love to look forward to every week.
I really miss those days.

see I told you I hate to be emotional.
Its always tempting me to cry,
but no,
I've learned to be strong.
I've learned to pick myself up,
and I won't allow myself to fall back again.
I don't want to go through that painful process again.
It has drained me oh so much,
I don't wanna see myself back at that track again.
That's history already,
I've learned and gain experience from relationships.
and I doubt I would ever trust anyone this much,
because when the person you trust so much suddenly turn their back against you,
the pain would be too much to bear.
I've went through that pain,
and the tears I cried everyday made me look so vunerable.

I'm sorry for the really emo post.
When blogs are about expressing feelings and emotions,
so might as well get the best out of it.

FUCK THE AC BARBER. FUCK THE AC DM. says:
they fucking cut my hair

FUCK THE AC BARBER. FUCK THE AC DM. says:
i was this close to telling them fuck off im not coming back

oh.that's shawn,
got his hair cut at acjc because his hair's too long.
I kinda think he's quite cool actually in expressing his emotions,
I like it.

2007-01-05T22:19:00.000+08:00

K4.
That is me trying to tell the one holding the cam to hold on longer,
but still the shot was taken..

ting jia trying to get suntanned..

oh god,I'm such a vainpot.

me and pei ying.

the boys in K4.

the girls in K4.

School ended at 5pm or later today,
had lunch with tingjia,jiemin and chuanxing at west mall.
Then I went home to get prepared to meet the ex schoolmates for dinner.
Played pool with sinchyuan and leslie.
Amazingly,I won two games.

I've got sunburn on my face,
and its all red and pain.

I'm burned out.
I need sleep.

2007-01-04T17:47:00.000+08:00

My eyes were still red when I woke up today.
and I have no choice but to wear specs again.
Today's orientation was far better off than yesterday's.
and tomorrow's the last =)
School ends at 4.30pm tomorrow,
and this spells a long day ahead apart from the fact I've to fetch my granny.
BUT.
I'll try my best to meet bimb for library outing.
and then for dinner.
Besides, it's friday tomorrow,
and no school on saturdays =)
Jogging session needs to take effect from this week onwards.
I don't feel good after not exercising for awhile.

I've to pass up subject combi form tomorrow,
this means that I can't pon school since its the deadline to hand in.
dang.

and I'm sexually confused now.
I see myself eyeing at girls instead of guys.
This is definitely not a good start.
oh I'm so doomed.
Where's my eye candy?

I love boys.
It's just that I don't trust them at all.

when I dread the journey back home..

2007-01-03T17:16:00.000+08:00

I admit I was a little scared last night.
But after a short prayer,
I wasn't feeling anything.
Furthermore,I was still chatting with huns on the phone,
and him listening to my rantings yesterday.

After what seemed like the whole night,
I still couldn't sleep.
At 4am in the morning,I was still on my bed,
thinking of random things.
I doubt I even slept the whole of last night.
and I woke up with bloodshot eyes again.
AGAIN.yes AGAIN.

And the orientation was really boring.
Everyone was feeling so lethargic and restless,
and some people like me came all the way from the east side to the west side,
did not even had the chance to eat.
Throughout the whole orientation,
I was either sleeping or talking cock to people around me.
Sure enough,I made new friends,
hang out with some wierdo who pocks me because I aint replying her.
This aint my day.

Although I went to school alone,
but I believe God was all along beside me.
And soon enough,I met Albert (=
Bimb was really nice to call me,
that wierdo didn't sleep the whole entire night too.
playing with photoshop.
and thats the fact we established long time ago.

I'm so fking tired.
I'm going to bed soon.

the bimb who tried to act dao.

and I shall not resize it =P

when gelare icecream taste so good...

goodnight.

2007-01-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

I'm so dead.
I've just came home,
and I have to wake up at 5.30am tomorrow.
Had gelare session with bimb.
and played pool with sinchyuan,ben,leslie and bimb.
ah I suck at pool.
but it's good to play with the guys,
they get to pay =)

Had ice cream and chocolate for dinner.
and the last time I went jogging was weeks ago.
I seriously need to get my ass moving.

screams....

2007-01-01T12:35:00.000+08:00

New year specials
took last night.
the boys were lazy,you can see,
to take any pictures.

me and caleen.

bimb.

caleen vexed.

bimb.

girlfriends.

yay.It's January 2007!
okay,please tell me it's so cliche.
oh well,I just woke up from dreamland.
I went to bed at 3am last night,
and came home at about 2?

Met up with my girlfriends and exclassmates yesterday to esplanade,
had dinner at suntec,
the food was somehow satisfying because I was hungry.
We stoned for an hour or so and then head off to esplanade.
It's so darn crowded,
We lost each other on the way
but we managed to find each other at the end =)
and the fireworks were really beautiful.

We then walked back to suntec,
so I could meet my brother to bring me home.
thats why I love my brother so much.=)
but the traffic stinks.
and the rest went for supper.

I would love to join them,
but my brother was waiting for me so I guess I've to give it a go.
Besides,eating supper in the morning makes people fat.

Anyway,
my new year resolution this year:
"To not overspend my money."

I'm gonna stay home today,
and watch dvds.
It's so peaceful without my sister.
I like the fact that they're going out often,
but not the fighting once every few days.
It gets onto my nerves.

I think my hair's disgustingly short now.
sighs.