Wednesday, September 13, 2006
she quietly wept..
There are times during a relationship where we often forget about the truly important things that happened,
but when you are in love,
or you loved someone,
you will always end up remembering everything - the good and the bad.
I am lucky in a way I can't even express, to have been your gf for 1 and a half wonderful years.
Yes, that last little while has been horrible,
and for the most part I am entirely to blame for this
and I believe you know I have accepted responsibility for the things I did.
And as part of that it is up to me to stop this rollercoaster you and I have found each other on and start doing the things I should have been doing so long ago.
But I want you to know that just thinking about you still brings me back to the feeling of the butterflies from our first kiss.
I only have to bring that moment to my mind.
And I feel all the emotions, I did when I closed my eyes, kissed you.
Our relationship was new, so I tried not to be nervous as I got lost in your sweet kisses.
I am truly sorry that it has taken me this long to move on,
and I am using this "open letter" to you to let you know that,
and provide for you, for the last time,
an explaination of what I feel we went through and maybe you will read it someday.
I want you to know that I apologize for ever saying a mean word to you and if I could take time back I surely would. And I do not hold any ill thoughts about you for anything you have said or done to me. I understand that because of your past, and the person you are, these are things that are important to you but I always did my best to respect your needs for that and so much more. Life is a work in progress and communication is the key and it should never stop at any point in a relationship.It was hard for me to crumble in front of your eyes and seem less mature.And I think that is what truly makes me feel sad about all this - the fact that so many things happened and that you never gave us a chance to simply sit down and just talk about what happened and your feelings. And that is part of why i struggled for so long. I have a clear understanding about every single thing I did and why - and I am not going to list them here - they are private and between u and I. And I accept that you have no desire to hear about these things. Just because I want to hear your feelings doesn't mean you have to share them or listen to me.
Like any other relationship,
when it ends it leaves scars and you and I both have scars from this
and I can only speak for myself, but these scars will never stay inside.
So, no more phone calls or emails to you, or from your friends,
no more searching the web for clues about if you are ok,
no more blogs about "what happened",
no more worrying about how they all see me,
no more of any of that silly stuff.
I have shifted the focus and that is a great thing.
I wish you all the best and a wonderful life.
